WHO: Miramont Estate Vineyard WHAT: 100% Cabernet Sauvignon WHEN: 2006 WHERE: Lodi, CA HOW: After unsuccessfully trying to make earthly contact with the vintners, we looked up the vintage notes online. According to the Miramont website, the Celestial Lodi Cab was harvested by some dirty hippies “under starlight” at around 24 brix. The juice underwent a secondary malo-lactic fermentation then bathed in 1 year old 60 gallon American Oak barrels for an amount of time unknown to us.

WHY: Before we get to the wine in the bottle, it should be noted that NASA is thanked for the image on the label. You, the reader, should know that the [pun intended] celestial image, which NASA is thanked for, is printed on gold foil giving it an irresistible sheen. Drawn like fish to spinning shiny lures, we recklessly purchased this gilded bottle for the label (and because it was from Lodi, CA.)

We’ve developed a strong affinity for Lodi wines, recognizing the familiar terroir at first whiff. Beyond that, we didn’t get any pleasant notes from the nose. One of the hipsters sniffed piña colada & moldy oak while another mentioned the aroma of bowling alley shoe disinfectant with a slight mint note. Tasting notes were limited to grapefruit rind and soggy strawberries. For a cab, the wine lacked tannin and made up for it with unpleasant acid in spades.

The Wrap: Sure, we bought the wine at Big Lots for a grand total $3.00 plus CRV, but that doesn’t automatically make it a loser. Not all $3.00 cabs are bad; but this is an exception to that exception. It was thin, light, and bruised like the sad animals in the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials. This isn’t a wine we’ll be buying again though it might make a good cooking wine, as it already tastes a little like red wine vinegar.